Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
