I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
