im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
