So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
