from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
