i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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