So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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