Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
