my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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