32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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