I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
