And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
