It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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