I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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