I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At least make sure they are 18
Why
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
