i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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