i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize