it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
