i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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