"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
