Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
