Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
