herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have fence marks all over my body
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
