This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
