WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
