if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
