my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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