Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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