He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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