I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
