I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
