Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
