I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
