90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
