it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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