how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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