**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
