i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
