My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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