So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
