Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
