I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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