Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
