I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
