Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
