community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
