Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
