how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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