i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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