So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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