This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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