If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
