her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My vagina is officially offended.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
