Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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