I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
