So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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