I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
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You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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