You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
