dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
third nipple confirmed
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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