so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
