Is it because I queefed?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I AM VODKA MAN
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
