...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
