The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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