Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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