carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
