I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
