Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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