And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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