she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
