READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
