I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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