How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
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