I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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