maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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