you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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