I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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