:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
