ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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