Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
This house was built for laser tag.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
