I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
